Amazing Grace
Despite winning Australian of the Year in 2021, I didn’t know much about Grace, why she won and why the media focused on her after meeting Scott Morrison at the lodge. Then I listened to her book, which she narrates and what a brave, insightful story it is.
Grace is the first public survivor of childhood sex abuse. Below are some direct quotes from an interview with Grace, which are far more powerful than anything I can write.
"Living on other people's terms in silence is not my style, not anymore." (Yet so many survivors do.)
"It's important for our nation, the whole world, in fact, to listen to survivors' stories. The more details we omit for fear of disturbance, the more we soften these crimes, the more we shield perpetrators from the shame that is resultantly misdirected to their targets."
"When we share, we heal, reconnect and grow as individuals and as a united, strengthened collective. History, lived experience, the whole truth, unsanitised and unedited, is our greatest learning resource. It is what informs social and structural change".
"On average, it takes 23.9 years for survivors of child sexual abuse to be able to speak about their experiences. Such is the success of predators at instilling fear and self-doubt in the minds of their targets. More so than they are masters of destroying our trust in others, perpetrators are masters of destroying our trust in our own judgement. In ourselves. Such is the power of shame."
https://www.mamamia.com.au/grace-tame-press-club-speech/
Child abuse is more common than we think….
"It's difficult to know for sure how many children are sexually abused, but best estimates put it at roughly 8 per cent of boys and 20 per cent of girls. Put all those numbers together, and you could fill the MCG eight times over with children living in Australia right now who have been or will be sexually abused". (https://bravehearts.org.au/.../prevalance-of-child.../)
I am about halfway through reading The Body Keeps The Score which has a section titled “Child Abuse: Our Nation’s Largest Public Health problem”.
“The consequences of caretaker abuse and neglect are vastly more common and complex than the impact of hurricanes or motor vehicle accidents”. There is, however, no diagnostic label attached, and abuse victims are often given multiple labels, such as depression, personality disorder and ADHD, not to mention the medications that come with these labels and the resulting substance abuse/addiction as a way to cope (self soothe).
“Major changes to our bodies can be made not just by chemicals and toxins, but also in the way the social world talks to the hard-wired world” (Szyf).
There are triggers everywhere, and unless you know someone’s story, it’s hard to know what the triggers are. Often people aren’t aware of the trigger until it’s happening, and they respond in ways they don’t understand. This is why we all need to be trauma-informed.
Being trauma-informed helps people be who they are, feel their emotions, understand their triggers and heal in a safe environment without judgement.
Survivors of sexual abuse often feel shame about their experience and won’t talk about it. Family members turn a blind eye or remain in denial because “this doesn’t happen in our family”. Imagine feeling trapped in your own story because people refuse to see that their father molested one of their siblings or, in Grace’s case, a well-respected high school teacher groomed and sexually assaulted his student. Stories like Grace’s where the abuser was protected and the survivor forced to stay silent for the sake of everyone else except for the person who endured the abuse.
Grace had to go to the supreme court to be able to tell her side of the story. I want to thank Grace for sharing her story; she provided an honest and raw account of what happened to her, and I related to parts of her story, which I will share in time. I also hope that Grace has strengthened other survivors to speak their stories and not allow their abusers to be a protected species while they suffer (or heal) in silence.
Grace Tame Foundation
https://www.thegracetamefoundation.org.au/
https://www.instagram.com/tamepunk/?hl=en