“The Most Wonderful Time of Year”
This is the common tagline associated with Christmas. The older I get and the more people I meet and stories I read or listen to, the more I can see that it is quite the opposite for some people.
Christmas seems different from when I was a kid, and it’s not just because I am older; it feels like a commercialised holiday where people show off what they bought for or received from others.
Besides my birthday, Christmas was the only time I received new things when I was growing up. The two are very close together. birthday in September and Christmas in December. My entire immediate family have birthdays in September, October & November. If we wanted things outside of this, we saved up and bought them ourselves. I still faintly remember picking out and paying for my first and only bike (hot pink, of course) when I was 7 years old and how excited and proud I was to have saved for it, the 7 year old equivalent of buying your first car maybe?
I remember having a list of things that I wanted for Christmas and asking Santa, despite not getting what I asked for, it was always better than what I thought I wanted. I may have even believed in Santa longer than most or at least told myself I did because, as a family of 6 (2 adults and 4 children), “there’s no way mum and dad could afford to buy us all this stuff” (I also think it was more fun to believe). These days, kids get gifts from Santa and their parents; I recall a cousin of mine telling us one year that the bike was from her and the boring things were from Santa because she didn’t want Santa to get all the credit. I remember one of us kids asked Mum one year why there were never gifts from her and Dad for us under the tree, and Mum replied, “we don’t need to because Santa gives you enough”, and that was an acceptable answer for us.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve seen kids open Christmas gifts and barely even look at what it is before they look for the next one to open. I wonder if this is because kids are used to receiving presents or new things more than twice a year, and the novelty or magic of something new is no big deal anymore.
When I think of Christmas, I think of summer, catch-ups with friends, relaxing with family, watching the cricket, sleeping in, and enjoying good food (although this is the first time in 14 years that I have taken the period between Xmas and New Year off work).
“The pleasure is in the giving, not the receiving.”
I wholeheartedly agree with the phrase my Dad said to me more than once while growing up. I don’t believe in giving a present for the sake of giving a present; if anything, it adds to more waste as people receive things they don’t like or want. Some years my friends will get gifts and some they won’t, it depends if I’ve seen something that they might like. Sometimes the people in my life get “just because” presents because I’ve seen something that makes me think of them and I buy it for them. I love watching a person’s face when they unwrap something I have picked out for them. Why do you need a reason to give someone a gift?
A few years ago, my family decided to do secret Santa instead of everyone buying gifts for everyone. Michael, my younger brother, found a website called draw names, so you don’t have to be in the same place to draw a name. You can create rules, too, such as partners not getting each other. There is an option to have a wish list to help the person who drew your name. As a Santa, I address the person’s wish list Clare style (pick a thing but also put some Clare thought into some of it too); even better if they don’t have one because I get to have more fun browsing and choosing. I like surprises, so I am not one to have a wish list.
Experiences Not Things
Quite a few years ago, My sister (twin) Nicole organised a joint dinner for our Birthday, which some of my friends did not attend, nor did they provide an RSVP of yes or no (a topic for another day). When I saw them the following day, they presented me with a gift, which was nice, and I appreciated it, BUT my preference was that they attend my birthday dinner; it was a Friday night, after all.
Christmas is no different, I’d much rather spend time with someone doing something, whether it be an activity or sharing a meal, than exchange a gift. It’s interesting when people talk about being ready for Christmas; it’s mostly “I still have to buy for this person and this person,” but you don’t have to buy anything for anyone.
I find buying a general secret Santa gift tricky because you aren’t buying for a specific person, and I like to choose something that fits the person. There is no one size fits all gift, and people are often left with something they don’t want or need. Stealing secret Santa could be the way to go where you can steal a gift that someone else opened. I experienced this at my work Christmas party, where someone unwrapped the book Four Thousand Weeks and a kettlebell stress ball. As soon as I saw it, I told myself it doesn’t matter what I unwrap. That is what I am taking, and take it I did. Books, for me, are an experience and are great for giving and receiving. Not to mention the laughter that occurred watching what was unwrapped and the suspense of whether it would be stolen or not.
Time is the best gift you can give someone because it’s the only thing you can give without getting it back.
I can’t tell you how many time I’ve wasted either tidying up or throwing out useless presents people buy my kids