How Susan Helped Me Grow
Life threw me a curveball in November 2019. It was day 3 of the NOI EP3 seminar, about an hour and a half from the end, and all of a sudden, it was really uncomfortable for me to sit. I stood at the back of the room, thinking this was the most sitting I had done in a long time. However, I had gone for walks at the beginning and end of each day and moved around at lunchtime, too.
It didn’t improve overnight, and I slept very little, getting up frequently because my leg was so irritable. In the morning, I texted a couple of my massage friends, “I don’t know what I’ve done, but my left leg is irritable.” I walked to a nearby pharmacy as my SIL picked me up to hang with my nephews before I flew home. At this time, I realised how cheap paracetamol and ibuprofen are. It didn’t help, and the most comfortable position was standing; I climbed the spider web at the park, followed by the longest, most uncomfortable flight ever.
Long story short (otherwise, this blog will be incredibly long), I had a herniated disc. When you have aspirations of hitting a national qualifying total, this is the last thing you want to happen.
I had my regular Osteopathic appointment booked on Wednesday (symptom onset was Sunday), so I waited to get her opinion, to which she referred me for an MRI. I cried when I got back to the car. Luckily, I was seeing my massage colleague and friend, Mr Dan, who said, “Didn’t you just spend all weekend learning about not doing that?”. Yes, I did. Upon his advice, I took Voltaren for 3 days so that the inflammation settled to a tolerable level, as I was still getting barely any sleep. Voltaren helped a lot.
Susan is the name I gave to my left leg/foot; as a result of the disc herniation, I had a severe foot drop. She got her name when I was rushing from work to the Canberra Capitals Finals match, and my left leg was slowing me down. I said, “Come on, Susan, stop being so lazy,” and we have been together ever since.
I didn’t talk much about my injury. I told my coach (because my programming needed to change), my family and a couple of close friends. When patients asked how my training was going, I told them it was going well, but I’d taken a different direction to shake things up.
But then COVID happened, and massage therapy was a non-essential service, so I found myself cancelling all appointments until further notice and at home for what ended up being 5 weeks.
I wondered how I could connect with and help my patients without seeing them, so I came up with relaying pain science information to them, using my experience as an example. So here I was, telling all my social media followers about my back injury. (You can find this series on Instagram under the hashtag #ICareyAboutClare.)
Throughout my 18-month rehabilitation (the time until my next competition), I was grateful for my knowledge of many pain and injury management aspects. My knowledge-sharing aimed to provide enough information to calm people through their injuries and pain. In my times of panic, Mr Dan helped to calm me down. I told myself I’d be back lifting in 2 months, but it was 3 months before I even touched an empty barbell, let alone performing full lifts.
So, what did Susan teach me?
A whole lot of patience. Progress was sometimes slow, and I wondered if I would ever improve. My measure was to weight bear on my left heel, and I knew I’d made progress when I could actually do it, and I cried when I finally did. (Throughout my rehab, my whole foot would flop back to the floor).
Empathy for those in pain. I now have lived experience of what it’s like to have pain that felt like it was never going to end. I always had compassion for my patients but the look on their face when I could honestly tell them I knew how it felt. They truly felt understood.
Focus on what you can do. I didn’t have a day off the gym throughout this ordeal. For the first day (before I could tell my coach) I just moved in whatever way that didn’t hurt. Then Kylie programmed me things for rehab and movement within my limitations. I even set the goal of getting a ring muscle up to give me something else to focus on. (I didn’t achieve this, but it was a good distraction from being unable to snatch or clean and jerk).
You’ll come back stronger. Susan is still slightly there. I notice it if I’m fatigued and my left hamstring is weaker than my right. But I had to learn how to lift all over again; my technique was better, and I felt stronger in other areas of my body. I was forced to work on other weaknesses because of what I could not do.
It’s good to talk about your injury. I didn’t want to talk about my injury because I wasn’t ready to accept my reality yet. Talking about it made it real, but I also didn’t want to be constantly focusing on it either. It’s important to find a balance that works for you. Suffering is less when you have something better to do.
I received a message from someone that asked me, what was the one thing that really helped me recover.
I gave her two.
I never stopped believing in my body’s ability to heal itself (it just needed time and a nurturing environment).
Even on my worst days, I did some form of movement/exercise.
I’m happy to answer any questions you might have :)