When I finished my Advanced Diploma in Massage, I left feeling like a miracle worker, healing people with my hands, lengthening and loosening people’s tight muscles, relaxing them, and making people feel better than when they walked in.
Sixteen years on, I know that massage is not just rubbing “knots” out with balm; the most powerful healing can come from the therapeutic relationship. As I close the chapter of full-time massage and say goodbye to my patients, I have realised it is my favourite and most cherished part of the job.
A therapeutic relationship is defined as “an interactive relationship with a patient and family that is caring, clear, boundaried, positive, and professional. (Science Direct)
We weren’t made to get along with everyone, and I’ve learnt that it doesn’t matter how good your manual therapy skills are. If your therapeutic relationship lacks connection, your treatment will be less effective. I used to say that you know you’ve made it when you fire a patient or refer them on because you felt that you weren’t the best person to help them, and it’s an even bigger lesson to be okay with it and understand that not everyone is going to like you.
Some patients you connect with immediately, while others may take a few sessions if they’ve had a history of dodgy massage therapists. It might take longer to build their trust. Some patients want to know a bit about you before they tell you more about them, and I love that I’m still finding out new things about my patients after them seeing me for 7 or 8 years.
I often decline one-off sports work because it’s the relationship-building I enjoy more than being able to say I worked for X team when they played in Canberra. Some of my favourite shifts that I’ve worked at the Brumbies are when the squad is away, and a handful of players are left behind, so it’s the player and me, and it’s amazing how much deeper the conversation is when the room isn’t full of 10 to 12 other people.
The best thing about being a massage therapist in any setting is getting to know the person inside the body. I have been there through my patients having their children, and now their children are teenagers, and now I’m treating the teenager, or I’ve been there as they grow from a troubled teen into a beautiful adult. Listening to their stories, supporting them through their training or being the safe space where they cry and let go. All while helping their bodies feel better and providing education to guide them through their journey.
My patients have been just as big of a part of my life as I have in theirs. They have seen me through being a student. A new grad student, a break up with a long-term boyfriend, playing soccer, taking up CrossFit, taking up weightlifting, moving into my apartment, two work moves, supporting a friend and travelling to Glasgow for the Commonwealth Games, Volunteering at the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games, the birth of my nephews (age 5 and 8), the birth of my niece who is almost 1.
My heart is so full, and many tears have already been shed, with many more to come in the next 3.5 weeks.
I want to finish by highlighting Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb. I listened to it over the last week, and I loved it. I resonated with her connections with patients. It made me laugh and cry. Everyone will connect with some part of this book, whether it be Lori or one of the patients she talks about.