November marks Movember for men’s health awareness. Men take their own lives at four times the rate of women (6 out of 8 suicides daily). 1 in 8 men will experience depression, and 1 in 5 will experience anxiety at some stage. 7 out of 10 Australian Males are overweight or obese, which increases their risk of chronic diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and some cancers. Funds and awareness are raised, but the statistics don’t seem to change. Men are still suffering in silence.
On the other hand, women are battling “Good Girl Conditioning”, where we are always agreeable, polite and nice. Like men have learned not to express or talk about emotions, women have learned not to express their needs, set boundaries or speak up for themselves that they are to be seen and not heard. Women are shamed for having multiple sexual partners. However, men are often cheered for it. This alone says that it’s okay for men can have sex for pleasure, but women can’t, and it’s the woman’s job to please the man (in sex and life in general).
On the 2nd of June, I witnessed my twin sister give birth to my niece Zoe. It’s a moment I will treasure forever. I never thought I could love a human more before Zoe Rose was born. But, it got me thinking about the language used about women, more specifically, the language men use to insult each other and call weakness. “Stop being such a pussy”, “ what are you? a woman?”, “you play like a girl”, etc. What do these mean? Are men purely joking around, or are they using a woman to signify weakness (emotional or strength?)? Women are stronger than we are given credit for because, after witnessing childbirth, women do the hardest, most bad arse thing you can do in the world. Grow, carry nuture and 9 months later push out human life. What a gift!
Language is everything. “Boys don’t cry”; that’s what males have been fed since forever. Changing our language will help reduce the stigma associated with men and mental health. I believe we can all work together by creating a safe space for everyone to be who they are without judgement. No matter what your gender is. Normalise emotions, but also ask questions. When someone says “stop being a pussy”, question, well, what do you mean by that?
The Behaviour You Walk Past, Is the Behaviour You Accept.
We need to support men to express their emotions, and we need to support women to unlearn good girl conditioning. We can do this by changing our language and holding space for each other. Create safe environments to be who we are, not who society has decided we are. Open our minds, listen to each other and learn not to take things personally. If a male shuts you out, it’s not you; it could be that he has never felt safe enough to express his feelings and has always coped by shutting down. Similarly, suppose a woman turns down sexual advances or appears not to be “into it”. In that case, it’s likely nothing to do with you or your actions but with shame attached to it by a previous experience or society.
I agree, with all you have written.
I’m guilty of occasionally using a word like bitch, but never ever in reference to a woman. I use it more to describe a coward. But there is no reason why I can’t be conscious to change my use of it to the word coward.