FEAR…
During my first
meeting, mentioned how he keeps his routine of stretches because he’s afraid of what will happen if he doesn’t do them. Sam is not alone in this; in fact, many of our decisions are made due to fear.Similar to pain, where fear of pain can be more debilitating than the pain itself. Fear and thoughts associated with impending tasks/decisions can hold us back.
WHAT IF?
More often than not (in my personal experience and lived experiences of others), the anticipation is worse than the actual thing/event 99% of the time. I remember being so nervous before my first weightlifting competition that I went for a nervous pee close to 10 times before we started, and once I got that first lift out of the way, it was “not as bad as I thought it would be”. I even allowed myself to be held back from getting my first job as a teen because talking to people made me uncomfortable, and I told myself I was shy. It turns out my job in retail was one of the best things for my growth. When I decided to study massage, it did not occur to me that my job would not only be talking to people I didn’t initially know but touching them too (Laugh!). The thoughts driving these fears are mostly what if I fail? What if I make a mistake? What if the people don’t engage? What if I’m not very good at it? What if they don’t like me? What if I go as red as a tomato (because my skin only has 2 shades, white and red)?
If it scares you, then you should do it.
Do you agree?
In The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris discusses the obstacles of taking action or making meaningful changes in our lives with the concept of F.E.A.R.
Fusion with unhelpful thoughts
Expectations that are unrealistic
Avoidance of uncomfortable feelings
Remoteness from your values
(I’m not going to discuss all of these, but if you want to read further, I highly recommend the book.)
80% of our thoughts contain negative content (Harris). Not all our thoughts are real and are stories that our brain tells us. If we pay too much attention to them, they contribute to problems such as anxiety, depression, stress and low self-esteem. True or untrue, we let these thoughts control our emotions and, subsequently, our lives. I have learnt how to diffuse my thoughts and find that even using phrases like my brain is telling me *insert thought here* has helped the thoughts take less control over my emotions. As I told my coach during my injury rehab, sometimes I won’t know what I can do unless I try. I take this mindset into everything I do, “give it a go and see what happens”. This has led me to take on challenges in the last few weeks, like starting work with Rowing Australia tutoring some CIT students during their placement at the Brumbies, and next week, I’ll be giving a talk at a breakfast event to workers in a community organisation.
(Here’s a video that discusses Unhooking yourself from unhelpful thoughts)
Please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments :)
I think if it scares you it either means something to you or there is something deeper. I might never get over my fear of clowns, but I'll still go to the circus.
I signed up for a 100km race knowing full well I could DNF, but I don't want to sit at home wondering 'what if?'
Great blog Clare. The fear of rejection and failure have been crippling for me at times. But understanding that we're wired to look for the bad from an evolutionary standpoint and that we all have a "negativity bias" has helped me push thru those feelings to do things I'm proud of.