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Happy bday Clare and the blog! Incredible how much your writing has improved over the first year!

Also a lot of people only maintain a friendship if that suits them. But I’m starting to think that’s not a bad thing and it’s ok if a friendship ends.

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I agree that it's okay when friendships end. They happen organically and I've found that some of them haven't been the end but rather a pause because life circumstances have brought us back together.

But when it's one sided it's harder to swallow and let go of.

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Happy belated bday, Clare!

I’ve had one birthday party in my adult life. My 30th. I was talked into it. Hated it. Never again. I’d rather have some friends over to watch footy or these days go to brekkie with my little family.

I realised a while ago that it’s ok to friendships to taper out, in fact, it’s organic. When a friendship fades into nothing it doesn’t have to mean someone was wronged or someone didn’t put in enough effort. It’s just the direction life pulls people.

It’s odd though, I have friends who’s values don’t align with mine, and we don’t speak often at all, but I’m perfectly fine with that and would still spend time with them if I bumped into them.

Getting sober was a great way for me to identify who my better friends were. There were two reactions. People either supported me, or put space between us because I wasn’t a fun hang anymore. Natural selection...

Congrats on the anniversary of the blog, it’s been a pleasure to read.

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It's amazing when you reflect on your school days that you often hung out together because school or the class subjects you had was the thing you had in common. Same with other groups of friends where once you move away from the interest you don't have anything to talk about anymore. It's all dependant on the level of intimacy that you had with the person.

Friendship break ups are quite different to romantic relationship break ups where you're happy to not see or talk to the person for a while. But if it's not mutual, it's more difficult for one person than the other.

It also often leaves me with feelings of being used, because friends often talk to you more when they aren't in a relationship and as soon as they're with someone, you only ever hear from them when they want something from you. That's where I need to get better at setting a boundary to find a medium that suits the both of us.

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Yeah absolutely. I've moved around a lot and been involved in a lot of different work teams etc. Everywhere I have gone I have made friends so easily at work, but found it almost impossible outside of work. Some of those friends I still talk to here and there, and others I wouldn't have a clue what they're up to these days and I think that's okay. It's strange how we are so different with our school/work faces on, huh?

Yeah, I have had instances in the past where people clearly didn't want to be friends anymore but didn't say it to me, or even raise what the issue was. It's hurtful and confusing initially. I just get to a point where I'm like, alright, no worries, I'll go worry about myself.

Yeah, this reminds me of that "you're responsible for your own happiness" thing. I have always gone out of my way to be there for friends because it gives me a little self-esteem boost. But eventually you get to a point where you're doing all the heavy lifting in the friendship. All relationships at their core are transactional, no one is going to hang around forever if they're not getting something in return and by something I mean, friendship, compassion, understanding, empathy etc.

My Mrs has a mate who rings her and whinges about her life flat stick, she just listens along, consoling her, never ever does this friend ask her how she's going, what's on her mind, how Sonny is etc. I don't even think this person is aware they are doing it. Too caught up in their own bullshit. Even though my Mrs is aware of it, it still brings her down at times and it's difficult to watch, but she feels a sense of loyalty to this friend because they've been friends do long and morally she struggles to pull away when her friend needs her the most. It's bloody tricky.

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